


From the mind of Hogwarts, a Founders Tale: Of Old English, Singing in the shower, and Salazar's favorite word.

by Kitty_Shinju (Queen_Kit)



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Crack, Don’t copy to another site, Gen, Humor, Inappropriate Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-08-05
Updated: 2008-08-05
Packaged: 2019-11-08 20:47:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 482
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17988257
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Queen_Kit/pseuds/Kitty_Shinju
Summary: This is rated M because of extensive use of Fword. Also note that this is a Crackfic. IT IS NOT SUPPOSED TO BE VERY GOOD! Oneshot IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT DON'T READ IT DON'T FLAME ME FOR ONE SWEARING JOKE FIC FOR MERLIN'S SAKE!This was from my Fanfiction Net account and I'm putting it here to save it because I'm deleting my account.  None of this has been edited and there are some references in notes to what happened when it was posted in the past.





	From the mind of Hogwarts, a Founders Tale: Of Old English, Singing in the shower, and Salazar's favorite word.

**Author's Note:**

> AN: In response to some of the reviews I have received I would like to make it a point to further emphasize that this is a CRACKFIC.
> 
> It is pointless, plotless, and supposed to be humorous. I understand that some people do not like the extensive used of the Fword in it which is why I have warned about it and told you not to read it if you do not like that kind of thing.
> 
> The entire story is meant to be a joke about what the founders could have been like because to be truthful we know nothing about them. This was my take on people that history has made up to be more serious and grown up than they were.
> 
> so please IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT DON'T READ IT AND COMPLAIN BECAUSE I WARNED YOU.
> 
> IT IS NOT SUPPOSED TO BE WELL WRITTEN IT'S NOT SUPPOSED TO BE A MASTERPIECE SO WILL YOU PLEASE STOP HARASSING ME.  
> ====  
> Disclaimer: "Salazar would like to fucking speak for the fucking author to fucking inform all you fucking readers that-"  
> SALAZAR I DID NOT SAY THAT YOU COULD DO THE DISCLAIMER AND DO NOT IINSULT ME OR MY READERS!" (Shinju)  
> (Salazar Slytherin's Very Slytherin Pout)  
> "Fine you can finish it but be nice to the readers because we LIKE them."  
> "Fuck?"  
> "NOT THAT KIND OF LIKE!"  
> (Salazar Slytherin's Very Slytherin Pout)  
> "Just get on with it already."  
> "Salazar would like to fucking speak for the Merlin-blessed most heavenly and beautiful Author to fucking inform all you… gorgeous… readers-"  
> "Kiss ass"  
> "- that the author doesn't fucking own any fucking thing that you fucking recognize from the-"  
> "DON'T EVEN THINK IT"  
> "Merlin-blessed Harry Potter books or Shakespeare… FUCKING!"  
> (groan) "Salazar…"

Salazar really hoped today was going to be better than yesterday. Yesterday was the most random fucking day of his entire fucking life and he didn't fucking get to fucking do any fucking so he was doubly fucking pissed. The only redeeming feature of the day was that Salazar got to say his favorite word a lot even if he didn't get to do it.

Unfortunately his relatively normal morning was shattered by Godric's arrival into his rooms while he was sweeping his stairs.

"My good fellow be thou merry?"

Salazar just grumbled although Godric was almost certain he made out the work fuck said with a heavy Robin Hood English accent and something involving a stake and Godric's ass which would seem highly painful. Godric however didn't care and carried on with what he was doing.

"Mayst I cross thou stairs of highest peril?"

"FUCKING NO! GO FUCK YOURSELF GODRIC." Salazar was very pleased that he was able to fit his favorite word in there... _twice_.

Godric pouted and said "Then I shalt remain hither where I shalt not get dust in thine eyes... or mine eyes... or something else that is very heavily old English sounding and that means my!"

"Fuck it all!" shouted Salazar in very quick quipped English tones that made several women including Rowena swoon.

Then they heard the most horrifying rendition of the Hogwarts song that man ever had the misfortune to hear and then Rowena shouted, "BLOODY HELL, HELGA, HOW MANY BLOODY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU THAT WE CAN HEAR YOU SINGING IN THE MERLIN-BE-DAMNED SHOWER!"

Salazar began banging his head into the wall and repeating his new Mantra, "FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK..."

"This above all: to thine own self be true." shouted Godric to Helga.

"WHAT?"

"Canst thou hearest my voice?"

"But, for my own part, it was Greek to me."

Salazar began chanting his mantra more loudly.

" **FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK..."**

Godric Turned to Rowena. "Rowena my Goddess, my light, love of my life-"

" **FUCK OFF YOU BLOODY-FUCKING WOMANIZER."**

Salazar smiled seeing that Rowena picked up on his word. He was so proud.

"The course of true love never did run smooth." Replied Godric.

Rowena decided it was time to show the stupid bloody womanizing bugger who she really liked and French kissed Salazar who in a daze said the only thing he could think of.

"Fuck?"

"Gladly."

And so it appeared that Salazar's day was not going to be as bad as the last after all.

Unfortunately this caused a rift between Godric and Salazar that history would later cover up and change the names of. Because it was not true that Salazar was driven out of Hogwarts. It was Godric who was driven out for a period of 10 years and later returned with vengeance on his mind to ruin the Reputation of Salazar for eons to come.

**Author's Note:**

> LMAO. Yeah I couldn't help myself I felt a Cracfic coming


End file.
